Doula Diaries

Client 5

whosyourdoula — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 01:06:00 GMT

My fifth client was a friend of mine and was suppose to be easy since we already had a relationship. Nothing could have been further from the truth. The night she called me and said she thought she was in labor, I was willing to go to her house even tough I didnt think she was in labor. I do a lot of judgement over the phone and more experianced doulas can tell immediately who is in labor and who is not just by speaking to the clients in between contractions. I had a feeling this was nothing but I wanted to go see for myself. When I arrive, I know she is in pain but I do not think they are contractions. I soon realize it is more of a constant pain and that it is coming from her pelvis and hip joints opening and separating. See this Eve is really built like a boy. She does not have "childbearing hips" as you might hear an old women say. After a couple hours, she really wants to go to the hospital. I am really at a loss on how to help her because this is really not labor pains. She needs some pain killers. I go to the hospital because I believe every birth is a learning experiance and I want to see where this is going to go.

They of course send her home. She is 1 cm. They tell her to take some Tylenol PM and get some sleep. I go home. Trip number 1 is done. She gets no sleep and is constant pain. for a whole day. The following morning, they are going to induce her with some cervadil. This doesn't do anything and they do it twice. Another 24hrs. She is stuck in bed...she is miserable. I go back to the hospital to give her some emotional support even though she is only 3 ct. She has the epidural but it s only effecting one side of her body. They give her staydol to help her sleep and I have never seen anyone stay wide awake on it, but Eve did. They move her to antipardum and I go home again and wait. Day three I go back, she progressed to 4. She is so devistrated that things are going so poorly. She doesn't understand why they have in no way offered a section. Women plan them all the time and for soeme reason, they are holding off on offering it to her. I am not sure why.

Finally the suggestion is made because nothing is happening. They tell her Adam will be with her and I leave. What happens from there is really disappointing. They cannot get her completely numb because of the placement of the epidural. They tell her they have to put her under. They do not let her see her husband or even listened to her concerns. All they tell Adam is he can't come in and will have to wait. When Eve comes too, she did not see her son for 5 hours. He came into the world alone and without either of his parents beign there and this disturbed Eve very much. They even bring down Psych because they decide she is too upset. This just added insult to injury. I later learn from a nurse friend of mine that the fact that she did not sleep from the Staydol may have been a red flag of a drug problem. I know for a fact she does not have a drug problem.

I wish the story ended better. Eve is in the hospital for a few days and she is sad and depressed and sore. Her son ends up being partially deaf but the sweetest thing. She recovers physical in a few weeks, but mentally takes longer. I assure her she did everything possible but she feels abused and deprived of the birth experiance she had hoped to have.

As a doula, this was a tough birth. She deserved better. Every women deserves better. There was nothing she or I could have done. That is the hardest thing to accept. Another lesson is learned for me.

Client Four

whosyourdoula — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 03:10:00 GMT

Eve was my fourth client and my first one that was a real teen. She was 17 yrs old and a senior in High school. When I went to her home for our first meeting, I had no idea what to expect. What I found was a sweet young religious girl who apparently was sweet talked by the first boy who paid her any mind a few months earlier. He was no longer in the picture and her parents were upset but supportive. Some people in the church she went to were shunning her, but Eve kept her head up.

Eve wanted to have a natural birth and she read everything I gave her. When her due date arrived, she was already at 1 centimeter for about one week and one evening, she called me convinced her water had broke. She was having some contractions but nothing worth worrying about so I told her to call me back in an hour. She apparently didn’t think so and when she could not reach her OB, she decides to go directly to the hospital. She asked me to meet her and her Mom at the hospital at 10:00. Her water was not broken but she did have high blood pressure so she was admitted. She was at three centimeters and resting well, not feeling much pain at all. Unfortunately, she was hooked up to the IV and fetal monitors so they wouldn’t let her out of bed.

It was the first time I really felt hostility from hospital staff. It started with a finger in my face telling me how I won’t be needing “that ball” because she is not getting out of bed. Later, when they asked her Mother and I to leave the room for an exam, I heard the OB say to Eve, “So what is that doula doing for you because all I see is her sitting in the chair.” My client actually was concerned for me which was the last thing I wanted her to worry about. I told her it was nothing that fazed me at all.

After 2 hours, she had progressed to 4 cm. so they gave her staydol to get some rest. She slept well and come around a little bit during contractions. All the while time, I am whispering in her ear to be relaxed and open up for the baby. Encouraging her to let her body open up. Her Mom let us do our thing.

Eve was calm and focused through all the contractions. After about 6 hours, her eyes popped open and she said she feels like the baby is moving down. I alerted the nurse and she said to Eve that she had to be realistic because there was a lot of work ahead since babies don’t “just fall out”. Soon the OB came in and Patrice put her hand between her legs and says “really…the baby is coming!”

The OB between her legs and the baby’s head was already a third of the way out. The OB held the head in while they prepped the area and brought in all the equipment and I am thinking, can’t we just deliver the baby this way one, two, three?

Two pushes and Layla made her entrance into the world. Daughter becomes Mom and Mom becomes Grandmother. It was amazing to see the love within these three generations of women.

Eve continued to be a wonderful loving Mother who adapted to breastfeeding and infant care easily as well as continuing her education to build a life for her and her daughter. Beautiful.

My Third Client

whosyourdoula — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 03:51:00 GMT

Eve was the first client who hired me by recommendation which was exciting. She was also the shortest time I had ever spent with a client since she hired me only two days before her birth when she was already 1 centimeter dilated. This was also going to be my first experience with an OB instead of a midwife and I was curious to see if I would notice a difference in treatment.

She called me with some contractions during the day but went away after a while. Later that night while I was in a HypnoBirthing class, she texted me with some times of contractions that seemed really close together. I suggested she call her OB who told her to come in so I meet them at the hospital.

When I arrived, at 10:00 she was already 4cm and set up in a room. I tried to jump right in but she wanted me to just give her space. The pain was intense but she became introverted and played her IPod. She didn’t want me to do anything for her. In our prenatal meeting, she had told me that she tends to introvert but I guess I thought it would be different in labor. She had the staydol and was already dozing off between contractions. They were intense and she just kind of kept her eyes closed and kept to herself. I tried to approach and make more contact and she continued to ask for space. I literally sat in the chair at the end of the bed. My role was to be a witness instead of physical or emotional support and it was a hard lesson to learn. I just made sure that any time she opened her eyes, I was there. I was the constant presence.

After sleep, she was 8 and she wanted an epidural for the pain. I was required to leave the room for the administering of that. When I returned, they broke her water and there was meconium and there was fetal distress. There was a huge urgency in the room to get this baby delivered. Eve and Adam appeared calm and very trusting of whatever they were told. There really were no questions asked at all. They had her push so hard and fast that her labia actually tore in half which was really shocking to me. The baby girl was born 5.6 and perfectly healthy.

It turns out, that the placenta was only half attached to the wall which they explained for her small size since they told her they thought the baby would be about 8 lbs. I don’t know if with the epidural, she realized the extent of the damage that was done during her birth. I found the lack of questioning of anything happening to be disconcerting but in the end, they were happy with their birth experience and that is really all my job is.

Sometimes, the more information I learn about birth makes me surprised how people are ok with just doing whatever they are told with their birth and their bodies. Those people need doulas too. I know there are some doulas how will not work in hospitals or with OBs but I think that is wrong because my job is to support a woman during birth and the birth she wants. It is not to make them have the birth that I think they should have or that I think is best for them. As for having my first OB experiance, I did find it to be very medicalized but I think that also could have been the way this birth played out. I will have to see what happens with the next OB.

My Second Client

whosyourdoula — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 03:29:00 GMT

I am a member of the Long Island Doula Association. One of the many service this group provides is doula services for teens in an adolescent pregnancy program in Suffolk County. My second client was going to be a women from this program.

Not quite a teen any more at 21, my client, Eve (as I will refer to all my clients as going forward) was now pregnant with her third child. A four year old and a 2 year old. They live in a poor neighborhood with her Mom who had her fifth child when Eve had her last one. I can clearly see that there is a cycle happening here but I have to focus on my job.

As with any client, I am not here to judge how you got pregnant or the situation you are in. My job is to help you bring your baby into the world in the way you want. Eve wanted doula support and I was going to be the best for her. During our initial meeting, she expressed that she was unhappy with her OB. It was clear she was being spoken down to and treated without respect. Statistically, the average OB visit is 7 mins long. That doesn't leave much time for answering questions or making someone feel valued.

I suggested she see a midwife even though she is close to her due date. She takes my advise and was thrilled. I realize that this woman is not ignorant, she is someone that people probably haven't taken the time to talk to. She is interested in everything I discuss with her and she is confident that she wants to do this birth natural. This birth is going to be my first in a hospital. I have heard so many different criticisms and stories of hospital births. I am excited and nervous, but as just as my client, I am taking comfort in the fact that I will be dealing with a midwife.

The call comes in the middle of the night, from her Mom telling me that they called an ambulance because the contractions were strong and painful. She does have a history of rapid labor so I understand the move. I don my brand new scrubs and head in my car to the hospital. It was a peaceful ride in the middle of the night. Never is the LIE so empty.

I beat the ambulance to the hospital and I am waiting by the elevators on the maternity floor. The doors finally open and I hear her panicking from the pain. I focus her eyes on mine and talk her down while they bring her into triage. It is 5 am and she is 6 centimeters. We go to the room and since she is hooked up to an IV and fetal monitor, we stand at her bedside and work with Eve hanging from my neck, swaying back and forth. I invite her boyfriend to help which he does while I give her verbal encouragement.

After about 2 and a half hours of labor, massage, relaxation, and repositioning, it was time to push. At this point, Eve gets a little panicked and starts losing her focus. I being a novice, I feel a bit as at a loss as well. The midwife looks her in the face and barks, "Eve, do you want to yell or do you want to have this baby?" She calmed right down. Darn, I thought, if I would have know it was OK to be that firm, I could have done that myself...lol.

Four pushes, and out comes a beautiful 6.5 lb baby girl. All natural. Completely alert and eyes open wide. Mom feels great though very tired. I take all the pictures and after I make sure they are all settled in, I take my leave. I am pleased with my first hospital experiance and I know that the midwife had everything to do with that.

I see her 10 days later for the post natal visit. I see a happy Mom and excited sisters. She is thankful to me for my help and support. She mentions her next visit to the midwife for follow-up and that they will discuss contraceptive. I tell her she needs to be a strong role model now for these three girls. She needs to stand up for herself and depend on herself. She understood. She did get in touch with me soon after about some post pardum and I helped her get the resources she needed.

I can't help but hope I made an impact on her future and maybe change the cycle of things. I know I gave her the birth experience she wanted and that was my job. I am learning that I have to accept my limits as well.

My First Client

whosyourdoula — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 02:42:00 GMT

I wanted to share with you stories of the different clients I have had and my love of what I do.

I had finished my training and my reading list by the time I was hired by my first client for a birth in November 2008. I was so excited that she chose me. It was her second birth but this time she was going to have a home birth in her tub. I knew that this was something rare that I was getting to experience.

When that call finally came in the afternoon, she was just letting me know that she thought things were starting and as I was trained, I told her to call me in a hour. I grabbed all my supplies and drove over to her neighborhood and sat in a parking lot around the corner. I was reviewing all my notes from class and my doula book. The second call came and I knew immediately by the tone that this was the real deal. She said she needed me. Right there it started. She...needed...me. I was there in 2 minutes.

I come in and go upstairs to her bedroom. I walk in and she is in bed laboring, in the middle of a contraction. Strong and focused, looking beautiful. I think to myself...OH MY GOD WHAT DO I THINK I AM DOING HERE? THIS WAS A HUGE MISTAKE THINKING I CAN HELP THIS WOMAN. In my head I hear my wonderful trainer telling me that less is more especially with a home birth so I step up and just as nature is leading this Mother, nature is leading me to assist her.

Things are moving quick so I call the midwife and she is soon there with her assistant. They are preparing the room and supplies and the Mom and are walking up and down the stairs to help move the baby down. She pausing during contractions and gets down on all fours while I do the hip press. Her Mom is her from Peru cooking us dinner for after the birth. Dad is siting in the corner just waiting for the action to start. I realize that this is the way birth was meant to be. It felt so right and natural.

After two hours, we get in the tub. I turn down the lights and put on some candles. I kneel next to her by the tub and our arms are entwined. I am inches from her face and I am making laboring moans with her. I cannot believe how intimate I am being with someone I barely know and they if feels natural. Another two hours and the bag of water is starting to bulge out..then come the baby, still in the sac. It breaks under the water and there he is with his eyes open looking up at us. No rush to pull him out, everything is calm. Onto Mom's chest and small cry, completely alert. Beautiful. Grandma is there, Dad is there, Me, midwife, and assistant in this tiny bathroom bursting with love.

After the delivery, they help Mom to the bed, get her settled in, baby to breast. Her seven year old daughter arrives home and joins her Mom in bed to meet her new Brother. It is finally time to eat.

I was so blessed to be a part of this. I will never forget. I learned so much from this client. It has been continued hope and strength for me once I started seeing what the hospital births are like. I don't know if I would have been able to continue if I did not know how birth can truly be.

Happy to join you!

whosyourdoula — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 23:07:00 GMT

Hello Ladies,

I am so happy to join this wonderful web site as your doula.

One of the questions that I am always asked is what made me become a doula. How did I find out about such a thing that many people have never even heard of. I have no children of my own and that is the way that many doulas come into existance. They either had a great birth experiance with a doula, or a bad birth experiance and what to help other avoid such a thing.

My story actually begins fourteen years ago. I met a woman that was a midwife and I thought that was amazing. I mentioned to her that I would love to have such a job but the reponsiblity would be too great, in my opinion. She suggested I could be a doula. I had never heard the word. She told me all about it and about the DONA organization. I contacted them immediately, started my reading list and thought I was on my way.

Unfortunately, I was not in the right place in my life to help others in such an important way. I had to help myself first. I put the doula thing out of my mind.

Fast forward to 3 years ago. I went to see this highly recommended psychic. She asks me if I have thought of nursing and she sees me in nursing. I say no way. She mentions me having my own business and nursing and I just brush it off as the thing she is wrong about. When you go to the psychic, you get a copy of a tape of the session. I periodically played it over the next year and things did occur as she said. The once day it dawns on me. The nursing means being a doula. It all clicked. I jumped right in with both feet.

I did my training and I am now certified with DONA. I have attended 8 births. I never thought I would feel so passionate about anything. I use to see artists and be jealous of the passion they had for their craft. Now, I am that person. I am passionate about birth and helping women have all the information they need to achieve the birth they want. It has also become so much more of a birthing issue for me know as well. It is a women's rights issue. Women have the right to birth the way they want and have access to all the information to make an educated decision.

I look forward to sharing my stories of birth wth you, as well has health information and birth rights issues that we as women all need to be aware of.

Lisa