Wow, okay, so... Fail city from me. Life as a new mom has proven to be really busy. It's like a juggling act. Taking care of Nellie, spending time with my husband, working, maintaining my other blog and doing reviews, trying to cook things... I need about four more arms, please. 

So, this month's topic is parenting philosophies. As the mom of a 5 month old, I don't have much experience in this arena yet. Right now, at this stage in my daughter's life there really are only three types of "parenting" styles: Crunchy, Non-Crunchy (or, as I've heard it called, "Soggy"), and a combination of the two. Me? I really consider myself somewhat of a combination of the two, leaning toward "Soggy".

And come to think of it, that term kind of bugs me. Soggy is not something you want. Soggy sounds gross, and icky, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that route of parenting. I can't think of anything clever to call it, so I'll just go with "non-crunchy" for the time being.

 So, I predicted I would be a pretty crunchy mom. I had grandiose plans of an all-natural, drug-free birth and that went out the window as soon as the doctor uttered the word, "Pitocin". I had visions of breastfeeding dancing through my head, and after two weeks of my daughter crying constantly from hunger, me being so sleep-deprived I would burst out into tears at the smallest thing and my husband starting a brand new job that required 12 hour overnight shifts where I was alone with Nellie, we made the switch to formula. I registered for cloth diapers and luckily did not receive any, because if I had to add that on top of the laundry list (pun intended) of other things I had to do, I'd be losing my mind right now. I had never intended on co-sleeping, and we stuck with that. Occasionally I will take Nellie into the bed with me in the early mornings when she wakes too early for my liking. She'll usually drift back off when she's in bed with me, and I can sneak in an extra hour of sleep. That and babywearing are truly the only two "crunchy" things about me as a mother. And I think I'm doing a pretty darn good job. I love my daughter more than anything, and she isn't suffering. I believe that whatever works for your family is what needs to be done, whether it be attachment parenting, whatever the opposite of that is, or a combination of both.

I am a firm believer in loving in, and believing in your child but I am also a firm believer in discipline, and not over-indulging a child. I have found that routines - when I can stick to them - benefit both Nellie and I very much. I cannot stick to much of a daytime routine as I am not her caretaker during the day, but at night she has a bedtime routine that I stick with most of the time. When she doesn't have her bedtime routine, I can absolutely tell the difference. She doesn't fall asleep as easily and wakes more often. I don't believe in the "Cry It Out" method. I tried a modified CIO a few weeks ago and just could not do it.

I'm new to this parenting thing. I'm definitely a rookie. I work in an office of women, almost all of whom are mothers with children older than mine and hearing their experiences, I know that I haven't seen anything yet when it comes to parenting..

But I'm beginning to define my style, and implement methods and tools for the future which I can use when Nellie comes prancing into a room wearing a skirt that only Britney Spears would dare sport. 

God help me when she's a teenager. Oy.

 My birth story begins on January 19th, 2010. I was 2 days past my due date, and had my weekly doctor appointment. I waddled into the office, excited to see what sort of progress I had made from the week before. When my doctor checked me at 39 weeks, I was about 60% effaced and 1 1/2 cm dilated. I was confident that I would have progressed some!

When the doctor told me that afternoon that my cervix was still at 1 1/2 cm and no more effaced, I felt disappointed. It was time to talk induction. The doctors at the hospital I delivered don't like women to go over 41 weeks. I didn't want an induction, but I also wanted the best for my baby so we agreed to set an induction date in case Nellie didn't come on her own. We set the date for January 25th - I would be 41w1d by then. My doctor then told me she was putting me on a monitor for 20 minutes to see if Nellie's heartrate was okay, and if I was having any contractions. She informed me that if Nellie "didn't pass", we would be delivering that day.

Whoa! So she strapped me up to an external fetal heart rate monitor and a contraction monitor. I watched the numbers fluxuate; Nellie's heartrate bouncing from a steady and strong 140 to 160s, then 170s and back to the 140s. I watched what I guessed was the contraction monitor. Occasionally, the band across my stomach would feel like it was slipping and I noticed when that was happening, the number would climb. I didn't feel anything, so I didn't think anything of it. When the doctor came back, she informed me that Nellie's heartrate was fine, and that I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes. I told her I didn't feel a thing. She let me go, telling me to call if I did begin feeling contractions or started bleeding.

I went about the rest of my day as normal. I had some lunch, and went to pick Josh up from work. We decided not to tell anyone about the induction date as we didn't want people getting overly antsy or anxious. We simply said that we had talked about induction and were still deciding what to do.

Tuesday night, Josh and I watched American Idol in the bedroom. He fell asleep around 10, and I stayed up on the computer. I wondered to myself if I was still having contractions and wasn't feeling them, and made a point to watch my belly. A few times I thought I noticed it tightening, but I couldn't tell if it was contractions or Nellie moving. After poking around online for a while, I decided to go to sleep. I crawled into bed with Josh around 10:30 and drifted off very slightly for about 10 minutes. It was about that time that I started feeling uncomfortable. Not in pain, just.. Uncomfortable. At first, it felt sort of like stomach cramps like I was getting ready to have a big bowel movement. The discomfort faded away and I relaxed and waited for sleep to come. Instead of sleep, however, I had another wave of discomfort. Still not really thinking anything of it, I just waited for it to stop. I had a few more waves and I started thinking, "Hmm." The discomfort would start in my legs; very similar to how I'd feel before my period - sort of achey. It would then switch to my lower back, and then to my lower abdomen. I lay there, still waiting for them to stop.. I didn't think I was in labor as the waves didn't hurt. I actually got up at one point and took some gas medicine because during my pregnancy, I'd feel crampy and pass gas and the cramps would go away. I lay in bed unable to get comfortable for a while. I don't really remember exactly how long. I ended up getting up and waddling to the bathroom and around the apartment. I ended up waking Joshua on my way back to the bed. He asked me if I was okay, and I hesitantly told him I wasn't sure. Concerned, he asked what was wrong and I told him about my discomfort. I said I didn't know that it was labor because I wasn't in pain, but we were both definitely awake then. I tried laying back down to relax, and the waves started to become not just pressure, but pain. The pain was definitely manageable, but it was still pain. I told Joshua, who looked nervous and excited in response. I went to go take a shower, trying to figure out what to do next. I was in denial about being in labor. After my shower, I shuffled back to the bedroom and Josh asked what I thought we should do. After considering for a second, I resigned to the fact that this was not normal. Nothing alarming, but not normal. I had to face the facts: I was having waves of pain that radiated from my low back to my lower abdomen. We began using an online contraction timer and discovered the waves were about 3-5 minutes apart. We called my doctor's answering service around 1:45 AM, and she returned my call at 2 AM Wednesday morning. I told her what was going on and she said it sounded like early labor. She told me that we could go ahead to labor and delivery, or we could stay at home and wait out the contractions a bit. She said if I was still only 1 1/2 cm dilated, they'd probably send me home.

We debated on what to do for a while, and finally around 2:45 and 3:00 AM, I told Josh that we needed to go because the contractions were beginning to increase in intensity. He put on his clothes in record time, and we headed out to the hospital!

We got to the hospital around 3:30, and went up to the L&D triage. The nurse hooked me up to some monitors and checked my cervix. To my immense surprise, I was 3 centimeters dilated and 90% effaced! She was really surprised as well, telling me that "I had certainly been busy" down there. She headed off to call my doctor to see if we'd be staying, or if we were going to be discharged and sent home. A few minutes later, she came back in announcing we "had our golden ticket" and were staying!! She asked me what sort of birth I was wanting, and I told her I wanted to attempt it drug-free. She nodded and told me she'd gone epidural-free with both her kids, but wanted to let me know of another option. She said there were a few IV medications they used to "take the edge off" the contractions and that she recommended them. She let me know that if I decided to take them and then delivered within two hours of having the medication, the baby would have to be taken to be observed to make sure she didn't have any breathing problems as a result of that medication. She kept stressing that it was a good pain management option and that it really mellowed her out during her delivery so she was able to rest between contractions. I kept an open mind, and we followed her to our room!

My contractions were getting stronger but were still manageable at this point. Once we got admitted I was put in the bed, given an IV, and hooked up to the monitors. The reality finally hit us: our little girl was going to be born!!!! We were really here!

It was around 4 AM when we finally got settled in our room. We decided to start making phone calls around 6 AM letting everyone know what was going on. I was checked again around 6 AM, and to my absolute shock I was already 6 centimeters dilated and 100% effaced. I had gone from 3 to 6 cm in about 3 hours. Crazy!

The doctor broke my water at some point. I don't really remember when. I think it was around 9 AM or so. I didn't want her to, but she convinced us to go ahead and have it done.. There was some meconium in the fluid, so my doctor let me know that we would have to have the special nursery staff there at her birth just as a precaution in case she swallowed some of the meconium. I was scared about the breaking my water hurting but I didn't even feel it. It wasn't the huge, dramatic rush of water that I'd always pictured. It was more like a slow leak; like I was peeing myself every so often. My timeline gets a little fuzzy around this point. The hospital bed was making me ridiculously uncomfortable, and my nurse offered me a birthing ball. I was still working through my contractions at this point so I said sure, bring it on. She brought in the ball and I got on it. The pressure was immediately better, but the pain was still there. I worked through some contractions on the ball.. This is when I remember the pain getting really bad. I hobbled back into bed so they could check my vitals. I asked for an IV pain medication and got Stadol.. Maybe around 9 AM. The Stadol did not stop the contractions nor make them any less painful; it just made it to where I didn't give a ***. Right around that time was shift change, and our nurse Gina came on. She asked how I was doing and I told her I was super thanks to the Stadol. I was a bit loopy. She asked if she could get me anything, and then inquired to what sort of dietary restrictions I was on. I told her that they informed me I wasn't allowed anything besides water/ice until after the baby was born. She scowled and said she was going to get me a popsicle and asked what flavor I wanted. I told her cherry and when she brought it you'd have thought Jesus Christ had appeared in the middle of a Southern Baptist revival from the way I praised her. I texted a bunch of people and let them know all about my popsicle. I remember the nurses commenting on how surprised they were how well I was handling the pain and how nicely things were progressing.

Around 10 AM, I stalled at 7 centimeters. They told me that they were going to start Pitocin and right around the same time, my Stadol wore off. The pain came back and I knew that Pit was notorious for creating hard, fast contractions. I asked for more Stadol, and they injected my IV with Phenegran which is an anti-nausea medication, and also helped "revive" the Stadol so to speak. I got scared at the thought of getting to the Point of No Return, and asked for an epidural also. Around 10:30 the anesthesiologist came in and administered my Epi. He was a really nice man who talked to me through the whole thing. They made me lean on Josh so I wouldn't move. It was around that time I began to shake violently. I don't know if it was the adrenaline or what, but I would go into these shaking fits like I was freezing - only I wasn't. I managed to not shake while he was administering the Epi, and the relief from the pain of my contractions was instantaneous. I kept having shaking fits. Now that I was doped up on Stadol and had my Epidural I was able to rest a little. I kept falling asleep for 15 minutes at a time for the next few hours. Things are very hazy, as the medicine clouded me a lot and I was in and out of sleep. I remember flopping my hand down and hitting something warm - my leg. I couldn't feel the sensation on my leg, only the warmth of my skin on my hand. It was so bizarre. And when my doctor would come in to check me, I could see her pulling my legs around and moving them but couldn't feel it.

At some point they gave me a catheder which I didn't feel. I remember being mildly fascinated at the thought that I didn't have to worry about peeing and that the urine would just magically be whisked away from my bladder. Again, a little loopy from the meds.

A few hours after the epidural, maybe around 2:30-3:00 my toes began feeling tingly. I was worried; thinking that it'd wear off and I'd feel the entire pushing process. They kept losing Nellie's heart rate on the external monitor, so they attempted to attach one to her scalp. Four times. It took them four times because she had so much hair. I remember right around 3:00 I began feeling ridiculously uncomfortable. I felt like I had a bowling ball in my vagina (and, essentially, I kind of did) and it was like I could feel the pressure of all the things hanging out of me (the catheder, the heart monitor, etc). I swear I could feel her head wiggling around down there. I think it was around 3:45 that they announced that I was 10 centimeters, and about ready to begin pushing. My doctor was there for the first 2-3 pushes to help get her down a little. They began commenting how she was face-up, and that was going to make it harder to her to be delivered. They kept rolling me from side to side to try and get her face down. I was so, so uncomfortable and even though I wasn't really feeling pain the pressure was overwhelming. I wanted to push.

My nurse Gina let me know around 4, I think, that the baby's head was at zero station and we were going to do some pushing to see how the baby was coming down. She asked me if I wanted a mirror and I said sure. They brought me one, and she asked if Josh wanted to watch. He re-positioned himself to get a better view. I pushed once, then twice, and Nellie went from zero station to crowning. Nurse Gina grabbed my hand, shoved it down between my legs and yelled, "FEEL HOW MUCH HAIR SHE HAS!"
All I felt was a slimy, greasy hairball between my legs.

Then things got a little crazy. My baby was crowning and my doctor wasn't there. Gina grabbed the phone and called for Dr. Few NOW. A few minutes passed and no Dr. Few. She got back on the phone and repeated herself. She needed the doctor NOW. There were other nurses and some students in the room at the time, and everyone started to lose their cool and panic. They just kept saying, "We need help, we need help!"

Dr. Few came flying into the room and Gina told her that she was crowning, and that I had been pushing and "the baby didn't like it". I was scared. I asked if everything was okay. The nurses were still fluttering about in a tizzy but my doctor looked right at me and said, "She's fine. She's still face up, so we need to use the vacuum assist."

They slapped an oxygen mask on me. Gina grabbed my right knee, and Joshua grabbed my left. They told me how to push; grab both my knees, chin down, back arched and rounded.. Deep breath, bear down, push! With the epidural in place, I wasn't quite sure if I was pushing right or not but both my doctor and nurses assured me I was. I remember feeling like there was no humanly way possible that this was going to work. I kept on bearing down and pushing; unable to tell if I was doing anything productive or not. Josh kept looking down and saying, "Oh my God! Honey! I can see her head!" and random exclamations like that. They had shoved the mirror out of the way in the doctor's hurry to arrive so I could no longer see what was happening. I was breathing and pushing, breathing and pushing. I remember I was pushing so hard I would start grunting and making noise. Gina got in my face and said, "Don't you make noise! Save your air! You push that baby out! PUSH!"
It was like I had my very own cheering section. I felt no pain; only pressure. I had a catheder, an external heart monitor, a vacuum and a baby's head in my vagina and all I felt was pressure.
After about 15 minutes of "PUSH! PUSH! COME ON! PUSH!" my daughter was finally released from me, and I felt an instant relief from the pressure. I looked at my husband, who had tears streaming down his face. When the doctor held up my daughter for me to see I started to sob. I kept asking if she was okay. I watched as they took my baby over to the area where they checked her over, suctioned her out, and did what people do after babies are born. Josh remained by my side for a few minutes until a nurse grabbed him, took our camera and said, "Get over there, daddy." Josh looked at me and I told him to go to her. I watched from my bed as they worked on cleaning our baby up. The doctor went to work stitching up my tear (2nd degree) and I hardly noticed. I felt some tugging sensations but no pain. One of the nurses came over to me quietly and said, "Daddy has tears streaming down his face."

After what felt like forever, they finally brought my daughter to me wrapped up like a burrito. I held her, still dazed from the drugs and from the entire surrealistic nature of what had just happened. I don't remember what I said to her, if I said anything. Josh came to my side, and we touched heads and looked at the baby we had made. Our daughter... Our Nellie Rose.

3 weeks later, I'm sitting here with my child sleeping on my chest. The overwhelming emotions of being a new mother have stabilized a little bit, and the shock of sleep deprivation and a drastic change in my routine have worn off. All that's left is an overwhelming amount of love and pride. Being a mother is truly the most amazing experience of my life. This child is the most important thing in the universe. She can do no wrong. I will never stop loving her, and there is nothing she could ever do in her life to make my love go away. This is unconditional love; this is a love that penetrates to my marrow. The excitement, the pain, the lack of sleep don't matter. When this baby looks into my eyes and smiles, the world goes away and it's just me and her. These are the moments I will cherish forever.

 I'm supposed to blog about the subject matter of the month.. But really, I don't know anything about the subject matter! I truly do not, and I don't have much of an opinion about it at this point in time. So, I figured I'd just blog, and update the 'net on what's going on with this mama and her little lady!

As of this moment, I am 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant. That's right, folks... I'm almost done! Nellie could be here any day! Like, literally! I could leave my apartment with my husband at any time, go to a hospital, have my baby and take her home with me! I don't think the reality of that has quite sunk in all the way yet.
I'm excited. Really, really excited. Each day, my husband bends down, puts his lips to my belly and says, "Come out, Nellie!" it's the cutest thing. He's very excited as well.. We're both really ready to meet our daughter. My body is certainly ready. I waddle more than I thought was possible, my lower back hurts all the time and I can't get out of bed without a lot of noise and to-do.

As of this past Tuesday, I am 1 1/2 centimeters dilated but 0% effaced. We have our hospital bags packed, the car seat installed in the car and our birth plan is in our doctor's hands. We've pre-registered at the hospital and Nellie's room is ready.

All we need is a baby!

So come on out and meet the world, little girl! We are anxiously waiting on YOU!

This is my very last holiday season – as in, my entire life – as a woman without children. Technically I have a child; she just isn’t here yet. But you get my drift. From here on out, I will be celebrating the holidays with my very own family.  Not that my husband and I weren’t a family before our daughter, but it’s different now. Now we will have a child to enjoy the magic of the holiday season with. I cannot wait.

Technically, Nellie Rose could be here by Christmas but I’m not counting on it. I’m not 37 weeks (full term pregnant) until December 27th and I have a gut feeling that we’re going to make it to our due date (January 17th)… But in all reality, we could feasibly have a baby by Christmas. I’m not hoping for that because I want to make it to full term.

This month’s topic is Stress Free, Happy Holidays. Having no children “on the outside” yet, I can’t really advise much in that manner.. So instead, I’ll just share what the holidays mean to me.

I was raised without a specific religion. My extended family (cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents) on my mother’s side are all Lutheran and I was baptized as such. My father’s side of the family are Catholic, as is my father but my parents raised me without a preference. As a result, I consider myself non-denominational. I don’t subscribe nor follow a religion, including Christianity. To me, the Christmas season isn’t about the birth of Jesus. It never has been. To me, Christmas has always been a time of family, of fellowship and of giving. My fondest memories as a child revolve around my family Christmases; spent at my Aunt’s house with all of my cousins there and my grandparents. We’d go early in the day, eat, open presents and spend the rest of the afternoon and into the evening together. During my family’s gatherings, there was always music. I was born into a musical family where each and every member sings and/or plays an instrument so music has always been a part of our get togethers. After the food was eaten and the presents opened, we’d all congregate in the living room and sing Christmas songs while my aunt played the piano. When I was 9, we made a tape of us singing Christmas songs for my grandma Nellie (yes, Nellie Rose’s namesake) who was blind. Each grandchild got to sing their own song (or portion of a song), and we recorded several songs as a group in my aunt and uncle’s church. It’s a really special series of memories I have; recording that tape for her.

Almost every year my husband and I head back to Chicago, where I’m from, for the holidays. We usually spend equal time with my father and my aunt/cousins who still live in the area. Since I’ve been away from home (2001), I’ve only missed two Christmases with my family. One was in 2007, when we miscarried our first baby 3 days before Christmas and we will miss this year, due to the fact that I’ll be almost 38 weeks pregnant. I enjoy the holidays here and love my husband’s family like my own, but Christmas is never the same for me unless I’m in Chicago. Christmas isn’t the same without the bitter cold, the snow and of course my family and their music.

From now on, we have our own little girl to begin holiday traditions with. I cannot wait to spend our first holiday season together with my new family… This time next year, our daughter will be nearly a year old. I picture her running (or crawling) around our apartment, gazing in wonder at the lights on our tree and grabbing at ornaments. I envision her clothed in cute Christmas shirts and beautiful holiday dresses… I imagine what it will be like to see her open her first Christmas present; puzzled and not quite sure why she is doing so.

Yes, the holidays to me are about family. A time to reflect on the year’s passing, to enjoy the company of your loved ones and to stop and cherish each moment.

Happy Holidays to you, reader, wherever you are and whatever you may believe in. And many, many blessings in this New Year to come!

Okay, so the Swine Flu. No matter how much the media pushes us to call it H1N1, I can’t get used to the name. It was hyped for so long as the Swine Flu, I just.. Can’t get on board with H1N1. Also, Swine Flu is easier to type and say than H1N1.

I’ve written previous post about vaccines in general (See my Post: To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate: That is the Question ) but this one brings up a whole new slew of debates and arguments. For months, the pregnancy forums and message boards have been teeming with debates on whether or not to get the Swine Flu vaccine when it becomes available. And also for months it was merely that; debating and questions as the vaccine wasn’t yet available to the public. Well, now it is on the market and mommies and mommies-to-be everywhere are now faced with the reality of having to make that decision for ourselves, our children, and our unborn babies. What is the right thing to do?

My answer is that I still don’t know. Because the plain and simple fact is that there just isn’t enough research out there to back anything up. Sure, we can turn to the CDC for answers and guidance and they tell us that the vaccine is safe for use, plain and simple. I’m sorry, but I just can’t take one organization’s word that something is safe and sign up to be injected with it. ESPECIALLY since I have my unborn daughter to think about! Pregnant women second-guess and question almost everything we put into our bodies. Is caffeine safe? Should I buy organic fruit? What about artificial sweetener? Well, if we are questioning such things why NOT second-guess a vaccine that is fresh off the assembly line; a vaccine that’s long-term effects cannot possibly be foreseen?

But what if I become one of those healthy third trimester women who contracts the Swine Flu and has something horrible happen to me? Like, DEATH? You hear stories of these women who were previously healthy, got the Swine Flu, and DIED. Stories like that are pretty hard to ignore completely regardless of whether or not you have doubts about the vaccine itself. When the media hypes something up so badly and pushes stories of women dying on you, it’s hard not to become alarmed and immediately want to jump in line to get injected with the vaccine.

I’ve sought advice from other pregnant women. I’ve Googled and listened to newscasts whenever they come up with the subject and I still don’t have a clear answer for myself. At this point in time, I am almost 100% positive I am not going to get the Swine Flu vaccine. I tell myself that people die every year of the normal flu virus and the media never hypes it up that much. I tell myself that I’m not in a high-risk category to contract it; I see a lot of people every day in my line of work but I don’t have much direct contact with them. I wash my hands after every bathroom trip and before I eat, I use hand sanitizer from time to time but don’t overuse it, and I cough and sneeze into my elbows. I avoid sick people. I take my daily multivitamin, and try and increase my intake of vitamin C. The bottom line is that I am just not sure. The stories of pregnant women dying scare me but I’m still not comfortable taking the risk of potential long-term effects on my daughter or myself from using a new vaccine. I’ve also heard of stories of people who have gotten the vaccine and before their immunity kicked in, they got the flu anyway.

It’s a subject to which there is no easy answer for women like me. I have friends who were first in line to get their vaccines without any hesitation. And that’s fine. But for me, and many others the issue is still something we struggle with and ultimately have to make a decision, stick with it and hope for the best.

I am sitting in my office right now on my big, fat pregnant butt. My nearly 6-months pregnant butt, to be precise. That’s right folks, I’ve almost made it to 6 months! On Sunday the 27th, I will be 24 weeks pregnant. VIABILITY WEEK! This means that my little baby will now have a chance of making it “on the outside” if she decides to come early.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that IT’S A GIRL!!!!

We had our big ultrasound on September 2nd. She gave us the run around for a long time! First she had the umbilical cord between her legs, and then she curled into a ball. For her final trick, she put her little hands between her legs in an act of modesty. The doctor looked for a while, and said she was 90% sure it’s a girl. She said not to paint anything pink yet but that she definitely didn’t see a penis and that from what she could see, it looked like our little one had a “vajayjay”.
I was only a little bit smug; as I’ve been thinking this baby is a girl from day one. My husband was hoping for a boy (but really didn’t care either way). Our little girl yawned, and the look on his face would melt anyone’s heart. He had this soft, amazing smile that spread across his whole face and almost made me cry. Someone had advised me to drink some juice beforehand to make the baby active, so being the over-achiever that I am, I drank 12 ounces of orange juice. Our baby responded by doing gold medal-worthy gymnastics and making it really hard to get any good shots and pictures. As a result, we are being given another ultrasound next week! Score. I’m excited to get another peek into my daughter’s world. We may be surprised with a little penis next Wednesday, but I’m not counting on it. We’ve already named our little girl – Nellie Rose.

That’s another weird thing, getting used to saying “my daughter”. It’s made it all that more real that there is an actual little person forming inside of me!
Speaking of reality checks, on Tuesday my husband and I felt Nellie move from the outside for the first time. Yesterday she was kicking up a storm. I could actually see my belly wiggle and shake sometimes when she’d pop me. Sometimes it startles me, sometimes it scares me but it never ceases to make me smile when I feel her. It’s something I’ve been waiting for for so long, and now that it’s here I am loving every nudge, kick, and wiggle.

Pregnancy has been an amazing journey so far. I never knew that one could get so uncomfortable from just sitting in a chair. I also never knew that a body pillow could hold such seemingly magical properties (those of you who are pregnant or who have had children probably know EXACTLY what I’m talking about), or what a rare commodity a full night’s sleep would become. I think that my body is just getting me ready for when my girl gets here and I’ll be doing the “new mom zombie shuffle” every other hour or so. It’s hard for me to believe that there’s only around 4 short months until she’s here, in my arms. 4 little, teensy months until I actually have to be one of those sweaty, angry, writhing women who give birth. 4 months until I finally get to meet the little girl who is kicking me right now, and who has stolen my heart completely.

I cannot wait.

This month’s focus is on vaccinations. As a first time mommy-to-be, this is something that once again I had never put much thought into until I saw the positive on my pregnancy test. It’s one thing to think about vaccinations for yourself but it’s another thing entirely when suddenly, you have this new and wholly innocent little life depending on you to make the best decision for them.

I will be the first to admit, I have not done much research on vaccinations. My philosophy has been, and will probably remain: I was vaccinated as a child, so was my brother, husband, and pretty much everyone I know and we are all fine. I clearly remember getting my MMR vaccine, my tetanus and my hepatitis. I am sure I had more vaccines when I was a baby but those I obviously do not recall. I know that there is a lot of controversy toward vaccinations, and whether or not they are in the best interest of our children. There’s a lot of debate of some of the negative side effects of vaccines; some of those even including that it can trigger autism in children. A lot of people aren’t comfortable with some of the ingredients and “fillers” in a vaccine.

Now, I am not writing this blog in hopes of stirring up the pot, or to cause a debate or controversy. This is merely my perspective and the things I’ve thought about as a first time mommy… So here is my standpoint. I have the tendency not to hesitate toward whether or not I will vaccinate our baby. To me, it is the most logical and responsible thing to do not only for the health of my baby but also the health of others as well. I have just recently learned that babies under a certain age can not be vaccinated against measles, and therefore can contract it and it can be fatal. To me, not vaccinating my child against the measles can potentially be harmful not only to my baby, but to others as well. Let’s just say that I never vaccinate my baby against the measles, and s/he doesn’t contract it until they are five years old. My child’s immune system kicks in, fights it off and they come through fine. What happens if I were to take my infected child – who was not yet showing symptoms – to the mall, or Chuck E Cheese and they infect a 6 month old who is too young to receive the vaccine? That 6 month old can then contract the measles and could potentially die from the disease. How can I justify risking the health and well-being of another child? I cannot.

I understand that parents are wary of vaccinating their children, and I believe that moms and dads who are hesitant about it should do a lot of research before they make a final decision. I personally am not wary, and will vaccinate my baby. I want my child to be protected and I want to protect others as well by doing so.

There is a whole new debate over the H1N1 virus. Recently the media has alerted the public to a threat against pregnant women in particular with the approaching flu season. They are encouraging pregnant women to receive the vaccine as we are at an “elevated risk”. The media and CDC are saying pregnant women will be at the top of the list to receive the vaccine;they are saying there might be a shortage. Here is where my concern lies. This vaccine is relatively new, and I am concerned with the lack of testing time it will receive before it is readily available to the public. I have been weighing the pros and cons of getting myself vaccinated. On one hand, I’d like to trust the medical field and allow myself to be vaccinated but on the other, how do I know that it’s safe? I have never had the flu, nor have I ever had a flu shot. This makes me think that maybe I don’t need it. On the other hand, I do have a full-time job and am exposed to people every day. I work on a college campus. Will this put me at a heightened risk of contracting H1N1? Is H1N1 as potentially deadly as they say? There are a lot of factors to consider, and I’m still not 100% sure of what my decision will be. I asked my doctor at my last visit and she was very in the middle about her response. She didn’t say to run out and get vaccinated ASAP, but she also mentioned that if it were her, she would get the shot. She wasn’t alarmist about it but also not nonchalant. Really, her answer didn’t help me at all. I am still leaning toward not getting vaccinated, and my main concern is that the vaccine is so new and is such uncharted territory. I have also heard horror stories of the swine flu vaccine from the 70's, and that affects my decision as well.

Is it hypocritical of me to jump right into vaccinating my baby once he or she is here, but be hesitant toward vaccinating myself against H1N1? Some people may think so, and some people may think me naive and uneducated in the matter of vaccines. I feel safer vaccinating my baby because these are shots that have been around for a while. As I said previously, I myself was received MMR, tetanus and hep shots and I am sure I was vaccinated against other things as well. The subject of vaccination certainly brings up debate and controversy, and in the end as parents we can really only make a decision, and hope that it will be the right one.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people ask me, "How's that baby doing??"

Right, well, I am 15 and a half weeks pregnant... I feel no movement yet, and I do not have a window into my uterus so I assume "that baby" is doing just fine. But I'M feeling great, thank you for being so concerned about my wellbeing. I have come to terms with the fact that to some I am now an incubator; a pressure cooker for the adorable little human being inside of me and little else matters. That just sounds incredibly bitter, doesn't it? There are people, my friends and dear husband in fact, who do care about me and ask how I'M doing whenever they see me.

I am, in fact, 15 and a half weeks pregnant. In the second trimester. Sometimes I really cannot believe it. After losing our first baby, I sometimes had moments of fear when I thought I'd never get this chance. However, this pregnancy has been different from the beginning. With my first pregnancy, I just felt "off". I never felt comfortable with it. I can't really describe it. I wanted that child more than words could say, but I just had this underlying feeling that the baby wasn't mine to keep. With this pregnancy, I have felt relaxed and at peace pretty much the whole time. I have moments of fleeting anxiety, usually before doctor's appointments when horrible scenarios of motionless ultrasounds and silent doppler readings occur but those usually don't last very long.

Our last appointment was 3 weeks ago where we heard Gummi's heartbeat. It was a steady 150 BPM and the baby sounded like a little train. It was a wonderful sound and while I was disappointed not to receive another ultrasound, I was happy to hear everything was okay. We have our next appointment a week from today. Still no ultrasound for us; we will merely be having bloodwork done to check for Downs and other genetic anomolies. Our next glimpse of our sweet baby won't be until 20 weeks, which is still about 5 weeks away. Sigh. I envy mommies who get to see their babies often on ultrasounds during their pregnancy. I haven't seen our baby since 8 weeks!

As for mommy herself, I have been feeling worlds better. My morning sickness is gone. My skin is clearing, and my fatigue has gotten better. When I say my skin was bad from weeks 6-13, I'm really and truly not exaggerating. I literally had red, painful bumps covering my entire face. It was really hard, and made me feel bad about myself. But now my skin has cleared significantly and is nice and soft. I am still broken out a little but it seems like a blessing compared to the nightmare that was my face a few weeks ago. My breasts have stopped being sore 24/7, and my appetite has gotten larger now that I can keep food down. I'm sort of in a "pregnant limbo". My disappearing symptoms caused me a little bit of worry at first since I can't feel the baby regularly. While throwing up three times a day was by no means pleasant, I was sort of able to take a little comfort in it; thinking it was my baby's way of saying, "Hey mommy!" but now it's gone and I'm still waiting to feel little baby kicks. It's been a slow two weeks, let me tell you.

I thought that at one point last week, I had felt some bumps/flutters. I'm not entirely sure it WASN'T the baby, though I haven't been graced by any more as of yet. I'm not worried about it; I know movement is sporadic when it first starts. I am very much looking forward to feeling those first kicks.

My lower belly is starting to pooch and round out more. I discovered this last week and was elated. By no means do I look pregnant to the random passerby, but *I* can tell and that's all I care about.

Things I have noticed about the second trimester:
-Stuffy nose. ALL THE TIME.
-Increased sinus problems.
-Increased sore throats.
-Back/neck pain
-Difficulty standing for long periods of time
-Slight shortness of breath/get winded easier

I've been trying very hard to watch what I eat. It's not always easy, because most of my cravings come in the form of cheeseburgers, burritos, fajitas, and an entire bag of Cheetos. But I am trying. Really.

Next time on my blog.... What NOT to say to a pregnant lady, unless you'd like to have your face chewed off. You'll want to pass it along to all your friends!

I am now 13 and a half weeks pregnant which to some means the beginning of the second trimester. And by “some”, I mean “me”. So yay, I’m in the second trimester!

Anyhow, this is my first child and I literally know almost nothing about newborns. I mean, I know that they are miniature humans, they poop into diapers and drink milk and sometimes they sleep; sometimes they don’t. I also know they get that gross, plant-looking thing that sticks out of their belly button (and yes, I do know that’s the umbilical cord remnants). My experience with newborns is slim to none. I watched my friend change her newborn daughter’s diaper a few times and I think I even handed her a baby wipe when she needed it. So when it comes to the prospect of bringing home the baby that is growing inside of me it, like labor, is something I have not thought much about because it seems so far in the future.

I do know that ultimately my husband and myself are going to have to venture to a baby store with one of those pricing guns and register for things. Lots of things. Little, tiny, baby things. I know the basics of what we’ll need; crib, changing table, diaper bags, diapers, pacifiers, bottles, *** pump….. Oh and it would probably be nice if the little one had clothes. Not that I’m opposed to babies running around in diapers and nothing else but my kid won’t be running for a while, and babies look awful cute in clothes. Not to mention they kind of need them to keep ‘em warm. Beyond all of these necessities, I’m stumped. I have been buying pregnancy magazines and dog-earing pages that contain neat little baby gadgets that I’d like to buy. There’s the Halo sleep sack which is supposed to help reduce the risk of SIDs, a breathable crib bumper (again, helps against SIDs) and all manners of other neat things.

Despite my inexperience I’m not really nervous about bringing my newborn baby home. Even though I have almost no clue on what this “first time mom” thing is going to be like I know that I’ll be okay. I have fair to decent instincts and I think that we’ll be fine. It’s going to be scary and new, but I think it’s also going to be very exciting and rewarding. I’m going to try my hardest to cherish those sweet moments when my child is new, because I know before I can hardly blink he or she will be tearing around the place with me desperately running after them to keep up. And I know that part will be kinda fun, too.

I can safely say that vomiting at least once a day, every day is a brand new experience for me. I’m not particularly a fan of vomiting… Not that I personally know anyone who is. I can’t think of anyone in their right mind who would get nauseated and think, YES!!! IT’S VOMIT TIME! But then again, there are a LOT of strange people in this world and maybe there’s some sort of Vomit Fan Club I’m not aware of. Needless to say this mommy-to-be will not be starting nor joining a Vomit Fan Club.

I have been vomiting at least once a day, every day for.. Oh, about 4 weeks now. My “morning sickness” (which is a complete crock, by the way. Morning sickness my butt. I think that term had to have been invented by a MAN) kicked in at about 5 weeks. It’s like a strange little ritual. I wake up, I eat a little something (usually cereal, oatmeal or something of the like) so I don’t starve. I then do a little stretching, shuffle around for a few minutes and am promptly hit by the urge to purge. My vomiting normally doesn’t come on suddenly like, “OH CRAP I’M GOING TO SPEW RIGHT NOW!” I can usually feel it coming. It starts with a slightly uneasy, seasick feeling. It then builds – slowly – until I have to scurry my way to the toilet to let loose.

I then feel better, though I usually have heartburn and am hungry again. For a few days, my breakfast switched from cereal or oatmeal to saltine crackers and ginger ale in hopes of sneaking around my vomiting. No dice. The crackers and ale came back up, albeit with less heartburn and general discomfort. I resigned myself to the fact that I am simply destined to upchuck in the A.M.

By the time I get to work, I’m hungry again so I’ll snack. Like a good little preggo, I will drink water. At first I would guzzle, so I would be sure to intake my daily requirement. I quickly discovered that if I guzzled water, my stomach would immediately reject the water and I would have to run to the bathroom to either dry heave or expel whatever was left in my stomach from breakfast.

I have an image in my head that is simultaneously adorably endearing,  and maddening. The image is of my sweet little baby, no bigger than the size of a grape floating around blissfully inside my uterus. My beloved little Gummi bides his or her time exploring his/her vast, spacious home (which poor little Gummi will find to become increasingly less vast and spacious as the weeks roll by). When it’s time for mommy to eat, Gummi pauses to contemplate. S/he thinks, what is this that’s coming my way? Cereal? OH HELL NO.
Gummi then pulls a little lever that s/he had installed that I call the “DO NOT WANT” lever. Gummi raises his/her little developing finger nubs and tugs on it, and that’s when I am stricken by the pressing need to run to the nearest toilet (or sink; a sink will suffice in an emergency) and upchuck.

After the breakfast enemy has been vanquished, Gummi can then return to his/her floating in peace, going about his/her day in peace and happiness……

……. Until lunchtime, of course, when we may or may not go through the whole ritual again. Gummi’s disposition seems to be sweeter by midday and his/her tolerance a little higher. But every day is a new adventure with my little Gummi and mommy must be ready to take whatever baby throws her way! And I do it gladly. Since I can’t feel little Gummi move yet, I like to think of the vomiting a way of Gummi saying, “Hi mommy.”

Being only 9 weeks pregnant, currently, I hadn’t really put much stock into the labor and delivery of my baby.

In fact, I hadn’t thought of it at all until I rented the movie The Business of Being Born.

The Business of Being Born is a documentary that looks into the benefits of home-birthing and midwives versus having a hospital birth where drugs are readily available.
After watching the movie, the reality that I will be joining the ranks of women who have given birth hit me. I, too, will be faced with many decisions. Should I be induced? Have an epidural? Or should I try to give birth completely naturally, without the assistance of pain-control drugs? What, exactly, is my birth plan?

Watching the movie didn’t completely sell me on home-birthing, especially after suffering a miscarriage. I want and need everything in this pregnancy to go smoothly, and I’d like to have the reassurance and safety of a hospital in case things do go wrong. The movie did, however, get my brain working in the matters of pain management and birth in general. It opened my mind to the fact that yes, my body is designed to give birth and no, I might not necessarily need to scream for an epidural at the first sign of labor pains. Maybe – just maybe – I can do without.

I began thinking about what I wanted out of my birthing experience.  I came to the conclusion that I would like to try it drug-free, as natural as possible. Of course, when I tell this to people they look at me like I’m insane and ask me why the heck I’d ever want to suffer through the pain when I didn’t have to. My husband was included in the skeptics, and I know that he’s still not completely sold on the idea. He, of course, told me he’d support me no matter my decision but he still eyeballed me warily. Upon questioning my madness, why I would possibly ever want to go it natural, I came up blank. The only thing that I could think to say was, “Just to see if I can.”

In reality, I think that the reason is something a lot less tangible. While watching the movie, they showed several home-births and seeing the women hold their babies immediately after they were born melted my heart. In a lot of hospital scenarios, you see the babies come out and immediately are whisked away to be suctioned, cleaned, swaddled, etcetera. But in watching the births of these women, there was none of that. The baby is born, the mother holds them and has a look of awe, love; of pure and utter amazement at what she just accomplished. It’s like the agony she had endured just moments before was completely erased and was replaced with what looked like the most indescribable and monumental emotion that could possibly be experienced. I realized that I wanted that; I wanted that connection immediately with my baby.

Of course, I am completely and utterly naive and inexperienced in the ways of birthing. I’ve never done it before, and when the time actually comes for me I may completely change my mind (which many have assured me I probably will) and shriek for drugs. For now, at 9 weeks pregnant and the actual birth still a distant event, I am sticking to my natural childbirth guns. I suppose you could ask me again in another 7 or so months when the contractions hit what I’m thinking, but I hope that I’ll be able to stick to my plan and have a positive birthing experience.

Until next time..

Hello there, and welcome to my blog! Briefly, allow me to introduce myself and tell a little bit about me and my life.

I’m Natalie, and I’m twenty-five years old. I was married to my best friend, Joshua, in September of 2005. The corner of the world we call ‘home’ is Chattanooga, Tennessee. I am not Southern by birth, however. I was born and raised in a Southern suburb of Chicago, Illinois and have been in Chattanooga for nearly 8 years. I love Chattanooga and am happy to call it home.

My husband and I have always known that we wanted children together. We forced ourselves to wait a few years after marriage to have that “us time” that so many people advised us to take and wait we did, despite both our desires to start a family. We decided that we were finally ready to begin trying for children in October of 2007. In December of 2007 after only one cycle of trying, we found out we were pregnant. I’m sure I don’t have to explain to you the feeling of seeing a positive pregnancy test, especially when you have been trying for a baby. We were thrilled, and elated that our time to become a mommy and daddy had finally come.

Our joy was short-lived, however, as our baby was not meant for this world. On December 22nd, 2007 we lost our little one to miscarriage at around 7 weeks. We were both very devastated and heartbroken. We took a few months off from trying and in June of 2008, we decided it was time to start again.

Nearly one year, and 9 cycles later we were still not pregnant. In April of 2008, I decided I just couldn’t take the heartbreak and monthly disappointment anymore and decided to put away the charts, cease my habit of peeing on ovulation sticks, and try good old fashioned sex until we got pregnant.

Fate certainly has a sense of humor. I’d been told more times than I can count over the course of our year long conception journey that it’d happen if I would just “relax and let it” and “when I least expected it”. Those two little insightful gems drove me crazy upon hearing them, but you know what? To my complete and utter dismay, delight, and shock…. It actually ended up that way. On May 9th, 2009 – the day before Mother’s Day – I found myself in my bathroom at 12:45 AM staring at a positive home pregnancy test.

Weeks later, I am still pregnant. We are currently 9 weeks, 1 day pregnant and now two weeks past the point where we lost our first pregnancy. This time around feels completely different from the first, and I have an overall sense of peace and calm about this baby. I worried the entire time with the first pregnancy, and have hardly worried at all this time. We’ve seen our little one’s heartbeat (we are affectionately calling baby “Gummi Bear”) and even seen little Gummi wiggle and move.

Our little one is estimated to arrive on January 17th, 2010 and we are beyond excited and anxious to meet our sweet little baby.

Stay tuned for the next blog post. Thanks for reading!