When I had my first child, I was an urbanite in NYC. Always on the go, getting things done in as little time and money as possible. I was scared to death of delivery. I focused on it. I saw way too many natural births on TV  and read way too many books on how I was either supposed to love excruciating pain as a sign of womanhood or maneuver an excuse to schedule a c section and have my physician manage everything as if I were making an appointment to have my car’s transmission changed. It was summer , I was hot and still working full time as a Physical therapist which meant little time off my feet and lots of manual work. As any 9month mom to be will tell you, There comes a time when you are just done and  I was in body and mind. I did not care at that point that I was still 3 weeks away from my due date. At my 36 week visit I swore I dropped . The male MD I dread sees me as I rotate through everyone and was not as excited as I was about my progress. In fact, he was only animated as he claimed I “surprisingly” gained 6 lbs this month stating “no dilation, no effacement, it’s too early”  and with that I was no where near birth. Ieft feeling disregarded in all the subtle changes I felt restating the science of birth in my head backed by medical journal statistics and calculated due dates. I had big time heartbreak.

How things Change:

Well, the doctor says I am no where near delivery and I would know because I would then be screaming and pacing like all the books say ,right???  Fast Forward to 2 days later, I am now officially 37 weeks. There is no pain but I feel funny at work so I have a coworker take my Blood Pressure and it is a bit higher than my normally low but normal. I figure it is a panic attack of some sort. My pulse is fine (no signs of panic attack) but my gut tells me I am sick so I should go to the doctor.  Again, I say to myself, “I'm done”  

The Effect of a Welcoming Environment

Yeah! My personal doctor can see me. I trust her opinion and with 3 kids of her own, she actually relates to some of what I say . “1/2 cm dilated, baby’s heart rate normal but you seem to be in a pretty firm contraction” she says. Apparently since I was told two days earlier that my opinion of things did not count, these words posted no alarm. Nor did the fact that she placed me on a monitor for the next 45 minutes.  I was tired remember and had already worked a few hours so I was calm and at peace in a comfortable reclining chair with lots of magazines, a glass of water and my legs up. 45 minutes later I proceed to register on the monitor  “HUGH” contractions . She is baffled as to why I am not reacting to the size of these contractions and thinks I am in labor. Well, I secretly doubt it. It should hurt but I call my husband with the news and head home to rest. Yeah! my doctor is on tonight and she is not a bit worried or surprised that I am 3 weeks early. She states she will probably see me tonight.  I am excited, “Wow , I can do this”  .  I look around at the office and get scared “No I can’t, I am not ready, I need to call work, I need to get in touch with my husband”   “ I am scared of labor”  All of a sudden, I begin to feel the cramping and it is in sync with the monitor. I am being given specific instructions on not to eat the rest of today, “Just in case” but I have not eaten since breakfast.  I am excited again,waiting for my husband, still feeling funny but only a dull deep ache here and there. Then I am getting all my hospital stuff together. Now the fear returns and I wait for higher intensity pain or some scary thing called the bloody show to emerge and you know what?  “I don’t want to deliver anymore”  I want to push it off.  Doctor said I have three weeks. I fight the fact that I want an epidural but having seen one too many spinal cord mistakes in rehab, I am petrified of having a spinal cord injury which is a risk.  I know I need one so I panic, I cry and then no more pains. Well for the next two weeks I went in and out of Labor many times. In fact, the birth, recovery and post partum period followed this pattern. It is a story in itself; my entire inspiration for Belly Guru, LLC  and the root of the Belly Birthing curriculum that I teach. Doctors had a name for it called Prodromal labor but now I know, it was merely my mindset.

“The More things change, The more they stay the same….”  Proverb, author unknown

Baby number 2 came 3 weeks early in the middle of February in New York.  Again by week 36 I felt done but this time around I was more confident and liked all the doctors in my practice. I remember looking at the calendar and saying to my belly  “Come be my Valentine’s day baby” because the books stated that 37 weeks was full term and that would be 37 weeks to the day, a good compromise between my western medicinal trainings and my emerging eastern medicinal mind.  Having practiced body awareness and relaxation with yoga from this conception on, I truly thought I would have more control and decided to have less fear but the trauma of the first go around and the fact that I ended up feeling soooo awful the first 24hours after delivery with the epidural made me firm on my non use of one this time but there continued to be ignorance to how painful birth needed to be and I had a big lack of confidence to birth naturally due to “all the pain birthing baby 1,a mean labor nurse and the pelvic floor damage I now know I had but was never formally diagnosed with” . Still at the hospital , I was ignorant to doulas feeling I was not into all that feminism stuff and not sure where to turn to for information.  Funny thing, I awoke one morning feeling fine, got a bit emotional in midday , started crying to my doctor that I felt emotionally and physically done at 4pm and at 10:48pm on Feburuary 13th I  had a quick, painful but empowering birth. I could not believe I was in labor all day. The last two hours, yes; it was  definitely labor as things went so fast that nature decided I  give birth naturally. I returned home from the hospital within 36 hours feeling physically better post delivery (WHAT A DIFFERENCE NO EPIDURAL MAKES ON PELVIC AREA RECOVERY) with my Valentine’s day Baby. ----The Belly Guru