The Darkness:Of Third Chakra
It has been a couple of months since my last blog and I am sorry for that but one thing a parent learns fast is that discipline is easier to ask for in word than to demonstrate by action. I thought I had absolutely no discipline these past two months. I felt overwhelmed. My work towards all my many professional endevors fell to the side as I sought out the mommy hat and committed towards all those year end obligations at the kids school and organized their fun in the sun for the coming summer. Of course during my hiatus I saw my private practice finally expand and transform Belly Guru life into that of a full centered studio. All good and necessary but as I donned my mommy hat, I quietly walked away from my personal yoga practice and with that my clarity. After all, with more "parenting" commitments something had to give. Unfortunately, as is often the case with moms, it was my extra curricular activities that got axed. Without the stillness of my yoga, It was such a sneaky transition too.
Within 2 weeks, I allowed my mind to wander into judgment of myself against all the "home making career moms" that made end of year gifts look like a year of planning and creativity went into them. I was neither that mom or the percieved "more accomplished" full time career seeking mom who had a boss to please that gave them the rewards to spoil their kids and their teachers. I looked at my gift cards and my child's artwork and wondered if the teacher would think It was enough. Of course, looking back, the real issue was would it mean I am not enough of a mom. Then came June with swim team, travel and career balancing around summer schedules and childcare .How the heck does anyone pull this off with more than a couple of kids??? It took me away from teaching and even attending class at my own center. I reached my limit the third week. In a full out brawl with the kids , my 7 year old yelled he was going off to meditate and that we should all do our Yoga" thunder breaths", a pranyama technique I adapted for the kids to blow off some anger. Well that shut us up. I yelled "Surrender!" towards the heavens, my daughter ran off to cry, we cancelled a long weekend dragging the kids around D.C and I stayed still. Without my yoga, Illusion prevailed.Third chakra my nemesis once again had complete power. I was the worst parent. Darn Ego.
The balance of third chakra
Third chakra holds the ego. In life and parenting, it is a double edged sword. On one hand the fire gives confidence and will power to do much good and on the other hand that same fire and willpower can easily intoxicate you into believing it is all about you and that the activities and accomplishments of the kids' lives must be a reflection of you. As a parent I take pride in the fact that my kids have always loved their themed birthday parties, creative rooms and crafts. I am still amused with the fact that I actually recreated an Ace of Cakes worthy Elmo replication for my daughter's first birthday . But left unchecked by certain disciplines, third chakra is dangerously addictive. With that fire came the tendency to overload. With that came the illusion that I was stuck on the rollar coaster demands of life as a mom/business owner. I manifestedf family meltdowns as I yelled at the creativity getting paint on the carpeted floors or that the experiements the kids produced would one day lead them to injury. So come mid June, as I asked my husband , who by the way owns his own business, to take on more than he admitted he could chew and the kids revolted into actually crying when the daytime nanny was called off because "she is fun" , I wondered why two hours before I was happy I had a cancellation and could be home.
I guess the fact that my lack of action on the mat corrolating with my parenting becoming less than yogic in thought, word and deed did little to knock me off my game until my kid Guru, in his 7year old profound and enlightened voice yelled out amongst the before mentioned brawl that he was "going off to meditate . At that moment I remembered my obligation to parent as a yogi was my gift. Through taking my action and words off the mat and into my family's world, I had been joyfully making an impact that mattered more than any DVD, professional title or thought out trip to the President's house could ever do. Demonstrating a discipline to Live my Yoga offered a definate step by step path for immediate enlightment. My son got it, Why with all my experience had I notI? So to get back to my first sentence and the key to how parenting and yoga blend.. I am here , With some assemblance of emerging discipline, I am parent, I am student and I am back on my mat and writing my Blog. **OM'
"Do it because it has to be done" -Sri Dharma Mittra