I lost my voice exactly 48 hours ago. Somewhere around 45 hours ago, out of pain I stopped repeating myself, saying more than three or less words in a row to anyone includingthe dog or eating anything that requires chewing longer than 5 times.  About 40 hours ago I stopped getting out of bed beyond going to the bathroom or downstairs to eat which was only if someone was not home to go fetch something for me. About 36 hours ago I started realizing the horrible effect a combination of Facebook, internet blogs and random searches can have on the life of a sedentary person as I surprized numerous clients and friends with post after post about things I thought they should know I care about. About 30 hours ago I realized by the lack of commentationback  that it is true that none of my facebook friends really care.  Sometime about 24 hours ago I 100% did not care about the piles of clean yet unfolded laundry laying on the chair and floor of my sitting room. About 20 hours ago, I mentally cancelled my day for today but in true pensive procrastination, I only made it official with client calls 12 hours later.Finally about one hour ago I thought of all the wisdom from this experience I have learned and how I realized how peaceful I am in my house of three kids, two dogs, one hamster( we lost snowball a few weeks ago- another blog) a pile of laundry and 2 parents, down one who own their own companies and somehow manage.

So  I have renounced, by force of laryingitis, a sore throat and upper respirtory infection, the following for hopefully days of health to come : 1) yelling for someone to clean up their messes beyond an executed visual palm open threat to take their most beloved appendage their cell phone. It has been very affective to motivate a cleaner house over these ast few days. 2) I am not eating hard untasty dry food because if I am going to suffer it better be worth it so juicing and steaming or snack packs of pre cut veggies, nuts and fruit need to replace the buttered bagel.  3)I will cease ignoring the need to practice upper back asana because I am lazy and it is hard. One day I may not be able to. I see it in my clinical practice all the time. After years of bad bras, holding kids and avoiding shoulder exercise menapause hits and wham, hunched , stiff torsos.  I am so sore from my lung infecton and coughing fits that I look like one of them and cant even turn in bed without a wince of strain. The 48 hour reminder verses the next 48 years made its point.

Yes, Retrospective silence has been a good thing.  I do not know why I am surprized. Yogis do it all the time. It is the point of meditation. Still, the reality of being taken out of the mix in my family, out of the ego, has firmed the fire for a more dedicated practice of my disciplines within the practice of yoga. The practices of life are much harder for me than the asana for it is natural as an emowered mom, spouse and any other title I take on, to want to do our my best out of love.  I must make sure, through periodic retrospectivre silence that I do not fall prey to the illusion that peace in the home lays solely upon my control of our situation and enviorment. With a few days away it may even thrive, not because I am not needed but because I stopped getting in the way.

Just next time Lord please let me discover this without the physical pain:0)