The moment of Truth:
No matter how many births; no matter how many books and hours in what ever birthing class, when time comes to actually give birth there is this surreal moment where the past, present and future all meet the body to dispel the illusion of time. It is a moment when times appears to stand still. It is a moment that every delivery has but the participants may not be aware of. It can be lost among the egos in the room, the mother's monkey mind, distractions created by opposing information, medical technology, the monitors, the sounds, the fears, the stimulants or the depressants surrounding modern day birthing. None the less, it is a profound moment of Being that I work hard to have the moms train for so that they can find it in their process. For a natural vaginal birth, the "It" is a moment , the hardest moment, just before your child is pulled from your body. It is in that moment that nature, the source or whom ever you believe is in charge of the process,allows a woman to be very close to her truth. It is a moment, that when realized, justifies all that you have done and places awe in all that you will become. For surgical deliveries, that are non traumatic and planned, I believe it comes with less intuitive connection but is still a force that is palpable and could be looked for in the moment you are opened up and feel the pressure or are verbally told of the birth of your child from your womb. It is a moment of empowerment and not depletion. In your weakest , it gives you unyielding strength. It is a moment that you are given the opportunity of a lifetime. At that moment, there is a window to a more in depth view of your self . A reason you are here on this earth . At that moment you can come in touch with the realization that birth resides in many more layers than the physical body alone. There is something that has changed within and is again about to change.
When I gave birth, I was not yet a yogini state of mind. I did yoga as a physical practice and so I was maybe more flexible or strong in areas but I was still very naive. I researched the birth process as a very physical one and so I had no attachment to that surge of power. It scared me when it should have supported me. I only knew that I must be in Transition when I was sooo tired and about to cry, yell or wanted to give up because that is what I had been told.
In a natural delivery, modern medicine labels TRANSITION , when the cervix hits 10cm dilation and the baby moves into the vaginal canal, the hardest part of natural delivery and as is always the natural order, it is also the shortest part of natural delivery. Time and time again, society intuitively pick our words from truth. It certainly is a transition but not only in the physical state of the cervix and the baby but also from a place of ego and reclaiming the "I" of being one body, mind and spirit with the baby to the reality now of separating the self from the "we" your transition will become. You begin right there to take on the duty or dharma on this earth of letting go in balance with the restraints of holding on. Being a parent means letting a piece of you go. It is not about control or manipulation but about trust, love, faith and knowing full well that you will lead by your truth, your gut and the faith in the process. You will take on your child's pains and joys and while difficult, encourage necessary but difficult growth. You are a parent to another soul on this earth. You have transitioned to become that child's first guru in this lifetime and what an honor that is in return.
Becoming Mama Guru:
My teacher's guru, taught me that a mother is a child's first guru. I wish I had realized this during my first pregnancy and I wish I had more support in taking this developing awareness to the next level of actually giving birth during the second. Becoming Guru in yoga is an honor bestowed only upon the lucky few, to those with the discipline and knowledge of the practice, the science and the philosophy of the teachings. It is a role earned and not taken lightly. It means you are entrusted with guiding another person's soul and are empowered without ego with these responsibilities. It means that with intuition, faith, discipline, compassion, forgiveness, love, acceptance, surrender and self awareness you will be able to have and share what you need for the role and that you are not deterred by the challenge, isolation or growth this role may provide. There is something more than you. Someone or something that does not make mistakes and will therefore guide you and knows you are strong enough to have taken on the duties set forth. In yoga, your guru is your guide towards your fullest potential. Sound familiar? .
Giving Birth with Awareness
In a very karmic way, I believe that I am doing the work I am meant to do in this life. I needed to give birth as I did to develop the passion for the work I do now. I needed to walk away from my initial work to find my last teacher to give me the bridge between what I learned in books to what I experienced in reality. Now I can train others with yoga for birth as as the holistic body immersion program it was always meant to be. Developing a Birthing with yoga program has become a cathartic path for me toward understanding the blessings and empowerment that come to you at the edge of giving birth. I know now that awareness should be nurtured in pregnancy, especially if a C section is the plan and that after C Section there is a level of healing in both in the physical and emotional body , due to the loss of a vaginal delivery,that may need special attention. Likewise, I wonder how one can truly feel empowered taking on a role they never felt entitled to take on or how someone can one take on such an enormous role in the journey of another's life with eyes closed and walls up? You may do so in body and to an extent in mind but to do so in spirit is what will give you the true experience and empowerment in giving birth. I hope all who may read this take a moment in their day to connect with their whole self even before conception and well on into motherhood. As with all forms of giving, in giving birth, or even through giving adoption which has the similar process of emotional risk and surrenders, you truly receive more than you will ever sacrifice. I realize now that despite the physical supports I had, the fear and a lack of emotional support in my own experience lead to me missing out on this for a long time. I offer this story in hopes more people learn from my ignorance.