ABOUT HER
Ms Aubanova is originally from the Republic of Kazakhstan and has worked as an independent researcher in the field of ethical parenting for several years. When her son was a teenager, she took a particular interest in Simon L'vovich Soloveychik's book "Parenting for Everyone" and decided to translate it from its original Russian language to English so that more parents could have access to it.
She continues working as a Parenting Educator through her website, www.parentingforeveryone.com and writes a Blog in addition to providing updates through Twitter, "UpParent".
INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT
EMPOWERED MOMMIES (EM): Ms. Aubanova, thank you again for giving us the opportunity to sit down with you. You're an Independent researcher in the field of ethical parenting, translator of the book "Parenting For Everyone" by Simon Soloveychik and have a blog "UpParent". Can you share with us how you began your career and what made you decide to focus on parenting education and in particular this school of thought?
AIGUL AUBANOVA (AA): Ten years ago, when my son was 16, I read the book Parenting For Everyone. It changed not only my parenting, but my whole life. The knowledge I was gaining from the book helped me understand myself, my son, and my relationship with people in general. I loved the ideas from the book so much that they became my passion. I decided to share them with English speaking friends and started the book translation and the promotion of parenting education. Briefly, the philosophy of Parenting For Everyone is about raising internally free people. Who are internally free people? Those with whom everyone feels comfortable and easy. Internally free people aren't concerned about themselves, they are free from fears of people and life, from conventional opinion and stereotypical thinking. They are natural, they are full of life and love for other people.
Now is the time for internally free people. With exponentially growing informational pressures, even a mature person is challenged to navigate wisely. Imagine what it is like for a child! This challenge can be dangerous, unless the child's intelligence is developed. With emotional pressures of competitive environments even adults struggle with stresses. How can children avoid these stresses? Only if their parents nurture the children's hearts with love and magnanimity the children can be emotionally stable. In an environment where society dictates to people what to want, people lose their track of their greatest desires. Most people struggle to discover what they really want, what they really strive for. That is a sign of a damaged spirit. When I think of growing statistics of mental illnesses, broken relationships, and outrageous ignorance, I see an urgent need for the education of parents to raise internally free children.
EM: Can you tell us more about Simon Soloveychik, his ideals and his book?
AA: Simon L'vovich Soloveychik passionately promoted the best school teachers in Russia, the teachers-innovators, whose systems awoke the highest potential in children excel in school. Together with progressive educational thinkers Soloveychik launched the movement called Pedagogy of Cooperation. They declared the ideals of internal freedom, cooperation with children, dignity, heart and intelligence, to name a few. Soloveychik devoted more than forty years of his life to write about children and for children. Ultimately, he came to some invaluable conclusions, which he put in his book Parenting For Everyone. He devoted ten years of his life to write this book, compared to writers today. The book was banned from publishing by Soviet bureaucrats, and was first published many years later. The book doesn't teach how to become rich, the book teaches how the soul becomes rich, how human relationships with children becomes rich.
EM: At a high level, can you describe the principles of "Parenting for Everyone"?
AA: I would describe the book as a parenting bible, a book, which you read and reread and will always find something new and fascinating, something, which makes you think and become more intelligent, kinder, and a better person. It is made up of three comprehensive books. The first is devoted to parents, to understanding their parenting goals, their possibilities and impossibilities in parenting. The second book is about the child's internal world. It is comprised of the child's heart (the ability to love), intelligence (the ability to discern between good and bad) and spirit (striving for goodness and truth). The third book is devoted to the relationship between parents and children. It evolves from a communication level, to cooperation, to co-creativity.
The core concept of the book is a child's dignity. I have since discovered that the term dignity is applied by English speaking people in a different sense. The dignity of a child, according to Soloveychik, is the most important concept in the child's understanding of his/her true value in this world. A child, especially a teenager, wants to know all about his/her dignity and the dignity of other people around them. But because of the lack of understanding of this concept by English speaking adults the child is deprived of vital knowledge about himself as a person and others. Therefore the child is lost in opinions, judgments, and false desires.
EM: In your opinion, what are some of the challenges parents are facing today when it comes to raising their children? And in particular with discipline?
AA: The greatest challenge for parents today is to be able to influence their children in the environment of informational pressure, a variety of opinions and external freedoms, the abundance of technological advances in communication.
In my blog I wrote about discipline and punishment. I would like to remind parents that times are different now. What worked in your childhood doesn't work for your children. Children nowadays are facing much greater external freedoms and temptations. The only way to confront future mistakes is to develop the internal discipline, a part of internal freedom.
EM: Are there culture differences in parenting styles? For ex: have you noticed differences between American parents and say, European parents?
AA: There are cultural differences, of course. In families values are imparted from generation to generation. Where do those values comes from? From the national cultures and the language. American culture stresses competition and individualism. In a healthy adult atmosphere competition brings a strong motivational drive for greater accomplishments. However, children are born to this world for happiness, not for competition. In fact, we program our children to be unhappy if they are not winners. Therefore we see signs of depression, aggression, and apathy.
I have been in Denmark, where, I think, the general atmosphere is less stressful than in the USA. I myself have been raised in a Soviet country, now the Republic of Kazakhstan. I witnessed two different economic systems, socialistic and capitalistic and the transition between them. I did observe the cultural change and its influence on young generations. I can only say, yes, there are definitely cultural differences in parenting styles. But as Soloveychik would say, people in every nation are the same. People in all cultures, deep in their hearts, know love and conscience, magnanimity and justice, hope and faith.
EM: If you had to look forward a decade, how do you hope your work will have influenced parents?
AA: A decade is not long enough to see results. I have a grown up son. My parenting has not ended yet and perhaps will never end. What I would like to see is that parents and people in general begin to apply the ideas of Soloveychik to their parenting, focusing particularly on the concept of dignity. Only then can parents actually embrace their work of parenting and see rewarding results of heartfelt sincere relationships and not the punishing results of bitter disappointments.
The good news is that the applied ideas of dignity in raising children have immediate results. I plan to develop a couple of case studies using the experience of volunteer parents applying these ideas. (I encourage interested parents to follow my UpParent blog for updates.) In my personal experience the most joyful moments of realization of my positive influence on my son I owe to Simon Soloveychik. I hope, and I know, that I am not alone in my gratitude.
Thank you Ivanna so much for your interest and the opportunity to share with you and your mommies. I would like to commend you for your great efforts you are doing for your community of mommies. I wish everyone happy parenting!
EM: Thank you Ms Aubanova!